Everyday I’m Struggling

Do you ever read a blog, maybe even mine, and think to yourself how good others have it? Do you wonder why your house isn’t anywhere as neat as theirs, why your kids are a hot mess, or you’re still going through the fast food lane when everyone else makes it look so damn easy? I do, even some of my favorite blogs. And I won’t even get into the halo effect of Facebook.

Here’s the truth. It’s hard sometimes. Every day I struggle to make the decision to work out instead of watching tv, to make a healthy dinner instead of ordering pizza, to meditate instead of running errands. Some days I make the so-called good decision, sometimes the not-so-good. I have to force myself to choose brown rice over white rice (although I wouldn’t touch white bread with a 10-foot pole). I’d rather sleep an extra few minutes than fit in an early morning meditation.

Here’s another truth. I want to be happy. I want more than anything in the world to know calmness and peace, to feel happy more often than not, and to have a long life full of this happiness I dream of. I want to love myself, inside and out. I want to serve those around me and make their lives better than they were before I came into it.

Here’s the truth that I really need you to hear. It gets easier. I know, I know that I just said how much I struggle and force – bear with me. I know that six months ago, I wanted this same health and happiness, this same life. I also know that there was not a thing in the world that would get me off my butt and into the gym at all. I know that I really didn’t care if the brown rice was better, I was eating the white. I know that I did not care to give up sleep, tv, or starting blankly at the wall for meditation, journaling, or a kind word to myself. Those things weren’t a struggle, they were an impossibility.

It does get easier. With every baby step we take, we get closer to where we want to be. It’s not always easy to see how far from the start we really are; it’s easier to see how far we still have to go to the finish line. One day, I’ll get there and you will too. And it we won’t even notice just how easy it became.