None of us born with these things. Rather, they were bestowed upon us by our family, our teachers and mentors and society in general. It’s not our fault or theirs. It’s just what happens. And our lives will never be the same.
We take it and run with it. Maybe it’s the college boyfriend who treats you like crap, but that little voice in your head tells you that “you’re not worthy of anyone better” or “clearly there’s something wrong with you, not him“.
Maybe it’s as simple as refusing to add to your wardrobe until you’ve reached your perfect weight. Instead, you wear ill fitting clothes that make you look and feel worse, creating a vicious cycle. You’ll buy those jeans or that dress when you’ve paid your penance for eating carbs and not having the willpower to pass on dessert.
It runs rampant in the workplace, more for women than men I believe. You don’t get that long overdue raise you busted your ass for because you “aren’t deserving”. You don’t get that job or promotion because “you’re not smart enough”. You feel stuck in cement in a career that crushes your soul because it’s “more is just not meant to happen for you”.
The ego is a sneaky little bastard. It disguises fears as logic and reason. What if our boss is angry when we ask for a raise? What if we lose friends who are whispering “who does she think she is” behind our backs? What if we leave the draining, miserable job and can’t support our loved ones who depend on us?
The worst part of it all is that our ego really just wants to protect us. It’s like a friend with the best of intentions and terrible tactics. It’s the friend that’s holding us back, that’s telling us all of the reasons we shouldn’t trust our gut and make that leap. We wait for any number of variables to align or for a sign that the time is right because the ego tells us this will be the right time. Essentially, we’re stuck in a holding patter.
I’ll leave you lyrics from a song that came to mind while pondering all of this, aptly titled If I Ever Get Around to Living.
“You are hiding in your mind, working all the time, trying to make it better than you’ve got it. And you’ve been spending all your time searching for a sign that’s never gonna look the way you want it.” ~ John Mayer