Why Your Circle Matters and How to Build It

February 5, 2013 By Leave a Comment

This edition of MarieTV reminded me of something I first heard from Ali Brown a few years back, which was a quote along the lines of “you are the combination of the five people closest to you”.

That freaked me the hell out, because while I loved my friends and family dearly, my train was headed for the stops of self-discovery, spirituality, personal growth, and pursuing my passions, while many of theirs seemed to be headed to babyville, corporate america or self-pity land.

That was judgmental of me, and it certainly didn’t mean I needed to ditch those I loved and who loved me because we didn’t have all the same interests. What I found to be more true was that I needed to add people to my circle, people who were interested in those things and who would grow with me.

I was pleasantly surprised to find that some friends were more aligned than I thought. One or two casual acquaintances became closer friends as we discovered similar interests that had just never been brought up before. I went to therapy and indulged in that one hour a week to talk about nothing but me and hired coaches to guide me through my journey and keep me accountable and focused. I made blog friends that I connected with on Facebook or through email, and in some ways became as close to them as the people I physically saw everyday. I signed up for conferences, telecourses and teleseminars to stay positive.

I’m sharing this because there may be many of you who feel like you’re in this same position. Maybe you’re interested in meditation and your friends think it’s a joke. Maybe you want to learn to be more confident, but to your co-workers that means investing in a new “it” bag. Maybe, like me, you’ve been transplanted to a place that feels totally foreign to you and don’t have the support system you once did. Know that you are not alone.

First, you’re always welcome here :-) , and I truly mean that, not just as a reader, but always feel free to engage in dialogue in the comments or even to reach out to me by email. I don’t care if you’ve been reading from day one or if this is the first post you’ve ever read from me.

If budget is a concern, visit websites and sign up for newsletters for people who inspire you. For me, it’s people like Marie Forleo, Gabrielle Bernstein, Danielle Laporte, Mastin Kipp, Katie Humphrey, Ali Brown or Tara Marino. For others, it’s Kris Carr, Suzanne Evans, Patricia Moreno, Kimberly Wilson or Doreen Rainey. Once you find a few, chances are they’ll lead you to others who are similar.

Follow them on Twitter, Facebook and Pinterest. It’s another great way to discover new people to inspire you and to stay surrounded with positive media rather than the latest violence somewhere in the country.

If they offer a free webinar or teleseminar, take it. If you get a recording of it, save it – you never know when you’ll want to come back to it later.

Podcasts are another great resource. Start by searching for those you already interact with, and browse by categories or interests. It can make the commute to work a lot more productive or your fitness time more enjoyable, and again, many are free.

Join Meetup.com. I know it sounds like a dating site, but I promise it’s not. It’s just a place to find groups of people in your area with similar interests. I’ve found everything from meditation to yoga to weight loss to couples date nights. Some groups have very nominal dues every quarter or semi-annually, but most are free and many of the events are affordable too.

Read. Listen to an audio book (a membership to Audible.com is about 2 coffees at Starbucks a month) or keep a library of e-books on your iPad (or tablet of choice). Right now, Audible is running a special offer – get your first 3 months for just $7.49 per month. If you have a Kindle and Amazon Prime memberships, you can get many books for free. And I may be the only one, but I still love to visit our public library!

If you can afford it, attend conferences in person. Do a Google search or keep an eye on the pages of those you follow and your local papers and you’ll be amazed at what is available. The event itself can be incredibly inspiring (I started this blog after attending my first conference) and you’ll meet people you can keep in touch with to keep that momentum going after the event.

Then there’s the simple things, like taking a class, joining a networking group, or volunteering for a charity in your community.

Everyone needs a tribe, and that tribe will likely be made up from a wide variety of sources and types of people. We’re fortunate that we have the technology to connect us to people all over the world and resources beyond our imagination to create a virtual tribe.

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3 Powerful Ways to Shift Negative Self-Talk from Katie Humphrey

July 27, 2012 By 2 Comments

A few weeks ago I shared (or ranted) about one suggested solution for negative self-talk. Today, I wanted to share an article from my coach, Katie Humphrey, with you on some better ways to address this issue we all deal with.

Are you in a constant state of thinking and saying negative things about yourself? If someone gives you a compliment, do you argue with them about why you’re not so pretty, adorable, smart, good at what you do? Do you put yourself down and beat yourself up so you beat others to the punch?

Let’s settle this once and for all: Beating up and talking down to yourself will never, ever give you the healthy results you want. It will never help you lose weight (and if it did, you’d be just as miserable as when you had weight gain). It will never make you happy or help you love your life. And isn’t that why we want results? To have a better quality life? To be happier? Then why do we taint the process of getting what we want by sabotaging or bringing our negativity to every situation?

I’ll tell you why. Because you’re afraid. You fear that underneath it all, you’re not good enough, that you won’t get the results you want, that you’ll look foolish again, that you’ll never be loved the way you deserve. And until you’re aware of what deeper fear is controlling your attitude, you won’t be in control. You’ll look around for someone to blame and never take responsibility for your life. You’ll complain every time your tiny seed (that hasn’t yet been watered or properly cared for) isn’t sprouting into the flower you thought it would be. You’ll expect to fail and you will.

This is the cycle that many women live in, and it’s one that used to control my life. It keeps you trapped with thinking, speaking and doing things that yield negative results, brining down the quality of your life and keeping you selfishly hidden from your purpose. You see, I believe that when you change your attitude and beliefs, you shift the things you’re saying, which means you change your actions and eventually you get the results you want. And best of all, you look for ways to improve the world around you since you’re so happy with your own life.

Look at it this way:

Negative thoughts = body bashing and complaining (and blaming) = aggressive action or no action at all = poor results
(And all the while you’re consumed with your own life and only partially – if at all – focusing on making the world a better place.)

So, what if your life looked like this:

Powerful, affirming thoughts = positivity and confidence in everything you say = inspired action and persistence = results you want (because you’ll never quit until you get them)
(Now you’re breathing positivity and inspiration into the lives of others around you, and your inspiration motivates you to do crazy, powerful things to positively impact the world around you.)

If you want your life to resemble the latter situation, I suggest you do three things.

1. Start with your deeper beliefs.
What are they? If you don’t know or aren’t sure, think about it for a while. Your deep-rooted beliefs are running your life, so it’s worth it to sit down and think through what they may be. Once you know what it is that’s been holding you back, you can do something about it. For me personally, my deeper beliefs around my health (and losing weight) were “It’s never going to happen for me. It’s just not possible. I’m completely out of control when I eat. I’m not in control of my body. No one will love me if I don’t look a certain way.” Some of these things sound ridiculous or irrational, and they are. But that didn’t make them any less true for me. What are your beliefs? Write them down.

2. Challenge and replace your beliefs.
Once you know what your beliefs are and you’ve written them down, you can replace them with new, positive (and useful) beliefs. Sounds simple, but most people will never do this one step. Write down your limiting, negative beliefs on one side of a piece of paper and the new ones on the right side of the paper. You may write things like I did, including, “I deserve to be at my ideal weight of xx and I will have a healthy, vibrant body. It’s possible and certain for my future to live in a body that I love and that gives me whole, perfect health. I’m in control of everything I eat, and I am fully confident and in control of my body. I love myself and others will love me as I love who I am.” Now it’s your turn.

3. Repeat daily and purposely speak positivity about yourself and others.
Repeat your new, positive beliefs every day to yourself and go out of your way to speak compliments and kind words to others and yourself. When others give you a compliment, accept it and say “thank you.” Don’t be afraid to speak kindly about your abilities or accomplishments. Get used to saying nice things about yourself and building others up. This is a habit and only grows stronger the more you do it. After all, you (and your body) deserve a break from your negativity. Take a breath and speak only kindness and positivity for the next three days. See how it changes your life.

Your health and weight loss progress will soar the minute you take charge of your beliefs and the words you’re speaking every day. You don’t realize how your thoughts and words are affecting your moods and progress. It’s either going to make or break the results you get. Plus, the world deserves someone who is kind to their own self…and others. Start today and see how it changes your waistline…and your life.

Copyright 2012 Katie Humphrey

Katie Humphrey helps overwhelmed, overweight, exhausted women lose weight and create a healthy lifestyle the fun, simple and adventurous way! To learn more and get your FREE video series on “10 Days to Embrace Your Inner Rebel and Create a Life You Love,” go to www.KatieHumphrey.com!

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Stop Making Excuses and Start Making Progress

February 8, 2012 By 1 Comment

This article came at just the right time for me, as excuses started to derail the progress I was making on my 2012 intentions, so I wanted to share it with you!

Pay attention the next time someone is talking about what they would “love to do”, and you’ll probably hear them make an excuse as to why they’re not pursuing it. We make excuses so often and use them as “reasons” that hold us back from being successful that most of us aren’t aware we’re even doing it! Let’s go over some of the excuses we all make, how to recognize them and simple ways to overcome them and take action.

There are very few things that are actually considered legitimate reasons for not pursuing your goals. Think of something you want to happen in your life right now. Do you want to lose weight? Make more money? Change careers? Start a family? Pursue a new passion? Once you know what you want to happen in your life, ask yourself, “Why hasn’t this happened yet? Where am I getting stuck?”

Most of us know what we want but don’t take the action steps required to get it because of excuses. Many women want to lose weight, but they make the excuse of not having enough time to exercise, money to purchase weight equipment or healthy foods, or energy to get up and do it every day. When you really look into it, we make time for the things we prioritize. Losing weight isn’t costly (exercising outdoors is free and eating healthfully can save you loads when you’re not buying fast foods); it actually costs you more to remain heavy in terms of healthcare costs. And the reason you don’t have the energy or motivation to lose weight is because you’re sedentary and lack the support that will push you to reach your goals.

Do you see how we get caught in a web of “excuses” that we don’t even try to do something about our circumstances? We say we want things to be different, but we mentally stop ourselves before we ever get going.

Why do we make excuses? I believe inside all of us is a deep fear that comes from getting out of your comfort zone and succeeding. Making an excuse is the “easy way out” to avoid pursuing your goal and facing the possibility of failing (or experiencing some type of pain).

Think about it: If you want to lose weight, your mind may immediately begin thinking (even subconsciously), “What if I fail? What if I hate eating healthily? What will I have to give up? What if I’m ostracized by my friends when I change? What if I gain the weight back?” So instead of addressing these fears and moving forward, we make excuses that seem to justify our inaction.

Notice the next time you make an excuse that keeps you from prioritizing the things you want most in your life. Ask yourself, “What am I really afraid of? Why don’t I want to take the next step?”

Making excuses takes away your power and subconsciously creates a statement of defeat. You do have the power and ability to create change, so you must tell yourself the truth. Yes, your goal may require a time commitment, it may require money that stretches your budget, and it may require you to get out of your comfortable bubble where you never make mistakes or fail. But the truth is that there is always a way to reach your goal if you never stop trying.

A few years back, I wanted to get a coach for my business. At the time, I didn’t really have the extra cash flow to “afford” a coach, and I was afraid if I did invest I wouldn’t see a return. I was also scared that a coach would make me do things that were uncomfortable. The truth is that the extra money could have been found if I saved on “extras” in my personal life that I didn’t really need. If I was honest with myself, I would have also realized that not getting a coach was costing me money and years of growth, and that “discomfort” could have made me stronger and more confident.

Instead of realizing all of this, I made excuses. “I don’t have the money for a coach. I can’t afford it,” would be my reply to colleagues of mine who were succeeding immensely with coaches. Finally, I got tired of waiting and decided to take a leap financially.

I’ve been working with a coach for some time now, and I can tell you that not only did I find the money to afford her, she changed my life radically. I’m absolutely in love with the women and girls I work with, I love the business she helped me create, and I can more than afford her now.

Our excuses prevent us from looking at all possibilities. When you discover where you’re doing this, start asking some questions to find out the truth. Even if your schedule is jam-packed, could you find the time to pursue your goal if you were committed? Although your budget is really tight right now, isn’t it true you could cut back on some things to afford your goal or save money to pay for it? Could you find more affordable ways to reach your goal?

Excuses are merely a response to fear. Making them takes away your ability to turn your goal into a reality. Get clear on where you’re making excuses and ask different questions to challenge your excuses. Once you do this, you will be empowered to take action and move closer to the things you want in your life.

Copyright 2012 Katie Humphrey

Katie Humphrey helps overwhelmed, exhausted and stressful women become more confident, fit and motivated. Get your FREE webinar on the “5 Reasons Most Women Are Overweight, Overwhelmed and Unfulfilled, And How You Can Have the Body and Life You Deserve” by going to www.KatieHumphrey.com!

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New Year, New You – Revolution of You with Katie Humphrey

January 2, 2012 By 7 Comments

The first idea I want to share with you for a new you this new year is the program I personally will be doing called the Revolution of You Bootcamp with Katie Humphrey.

I know that there are limited spaces and budget constraints, so you could also consider her Revolution of You Adventure, a less intense, self paced program.

You may remember my previous post about Katie, a health and empowerment coach who specializes in PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome). I like that her programs are about health and weight loss, but also about boosting your confidence and the need to find balance in your life to be truly satisfied. I feel like she is focused on real world strategies for women on the go, not an idealized way of living that makes me want to say forget about it.

This is me putting my money where my mouth is. I’m excited to have the opportunity to work with Katie, and I’m sure I’ll be sharing more with you as I go through the bootcamp. Stay tuned!

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3 Great Ideas to Live in the Present

August 26, 2011 By 3 Comments

I stumbled across Katie Humphrey while googling PCOS friendly foods the other day and wanted to share this video with you. Many times I’ve talked about my desire to live in the present and how it is something I truly aspire to do, I don’t because I can’t even begin to grasp the concept. In this short You Tube clip, Katie does a fantastic job of breaking down three simple ways to live in the present, and clearly explains how and why they work.  Well worth a few minutes of your time, I promise! And if you enjoy, her channel has several other You Tiube videos on various topics.  Though she specializes in helping women with PCOS, she also talks a lot about empowering women and living with purpose and passion.

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