Just a little over a month ago, I was fired up with goals from Get Radical, ready to change my life with B-School, and ready to hit the road running. Ironically, I hit the ground…from my chair.
I quickly saw the curse was really a blessing in disguise. It was the universe reinforcing the message it had been sending with my exhaustion and related crap that it was time to refocus my energies, to take the deepest breath of my life, and to dedicate my free time to self-improvement since I had no excuse not to.
I had all these goals, broken down in small bites, addressing every aspect of my life. I planned to spend time writing, meditating, resting, and taking better care of myself (or letting others – if I can’t get up to get a soda, I can’t drink it, right?). I talked about riding the wave of emotions surfacing from being laid up for weeks on end. Frustration, pain, anger, sadness, boredom, gratitude, love and everything in between. Allowing myself to let all of the emotions truly flow over and through me, not just some, or not just on a surface level, would be a change.
Here I sit, a month later, and I have accomplished NOTHING.
That’s not entirely true…
- I’ve learned that it absolutely possible to storm out of a room on crutches
- that I can be just as productive, if not more, with a good lap desk and a mobile office
- that compromise is seeing two John Mayer shows instead of getting VIP meet and greet tickets for one, although I think I may have been heavily medicated for that one.
- I’ve learned that three gallons of sugar will help you forget there is no medicine to go down because your doctor told you to tough it out
- I’ve learned that I can watch the same 5 shows over and over again; in case you’re wondering, they’re Hart of Dixie, Better of Ted, Nashville, the Tudors and Giuliana & Bill.
But I didn’t accomplish any of my goals. Sure, I bought a goal planning workbook, a new planner (or two). I bought bright colored index cards and markers to make affirmation and goal cards (which I’ve just realized are essentially the flash cards I hated in school). I had the get up and go, and off I went…aimlessly, on crutches nonetheless!
Here’s the piece that ties all the jumbled thoughts above. Sadly, I just figured it out, as I get ready to go back to facing the demands of everyday life and the “real world”. As usual, the universe stepped in with total synchronicity to make sure I got the message – blog posts, Facebook and Twitter all had something talking about joy, and how when our goals are not aligned with our happiness, when we dread instead of look forward to them or when they’re not aligned with our joy, we don’t make changes.
This is the missing key to making the lifestyle change that I’ve been trying to. There’s no joy in it. While I’ve learned to work through many other emotions, I’ve never focused on joy. So I guess my only goal for now is exploring joy and learning how to connect it to my goals. I know that I’m one step closer to the permanent changes I want to make, and that brings me joy for now.