I was so inspired at the Get Radical Conference last weekend to take control of areas of my life I’ve been struggling in, I’ve been planning posts with some of the things I learned from each speaker and some of my takeaways. After reading two slightly vulnerable and honest posts from Alison at Wardrobe Oxygen and Maegan at …love Maegan, I felt compelled to share a little bit more of myself before sharing any thoughts about the conference.

For those of you who have watched this blog (and me evolve) from the beginning, you know that it started as a weight loss blog; as I grew to understand that weight loss is more than nutrition and exercise, I started to write about more than just weight. I realized it was about self-love, forgiveness, confidence,  emotional issues, medical issues and not waiting to live your life. It gradually became more of a lifestyle blog.

I discovered plus size clothes that were trendy and flattering, and actually created outfits I didn’t mind going out in public in after years of trying. I saw the confidence it created in me and was so excited to share it with others. I knew how hard it was to find good things in larger sizes. It is by no means shallow, how empowering to feel comfortable, even sexy in your clothes and in your own skin. Sometimes I went too far in that direction and forgot that I wasn’t (and didn’t want to be a big fashion and style blog).

I dabbled in yoga, S-Factor, walking, body monitors, three different gyms, a ton of exercise DVDs and a crazy vibrating abdominal belt that I’m fairly certain was just electrical shocks. These were all really fun things, for a time, and I had a great time discovering them and giving others new ideas, many of whom had success with them. Again, I had to work hard to not want all the ads, sponsors and fitness giveaways that the fitness bloggers had.

I did Weight Watchers, I bought Alli, I tried three different doctor prescribed weight loss pills and a doctor prescribed weight loss plans. Again, these things have worked well for others, but not for someone who didn’t stick with them. I blogged about WW since I know a lot of people do it, but it felt very inauthentic  to me.

I tried meditating, affirmations, journaling, goal setting, therapy, reading every book imaginable, and a gazillion programs, not to mention wellness coaches, holistic doctors, PCOS specialists and endocrinologists  The spiritual side of this is where I learned and grew the most, and the one I loved writing about because it allowed me to dig deep, to be open and talk about things many don’t. Most times I was sharing what I was doing, but sometimes I’m sure it felt overwhelming or salesy.

None of  these things were wrong personally or on a blog level; I wasn’t doing crazy cleanses or lying to readers. The problem was inconsistency in both areas that kept me from fully committing in either. Now, here I am, at the same weight I, stressed and feeling crappy all the time; and though I’m proud to say the blog has grown organically, I would have liked to share more content and less filler at times.

Of all the things at the conference, the most important one I was reminded of was this:
Change happens when your current situation is more painful than the steps to change will be, and you are able to hang on to that hope for change throughout the process.

I, my friends, am at that point. I’m exhausted every day, frustrated in so many areas of my life, stressed like I’ve never been before, constantly feel like crap, and have no quality of life.
I’ve at times let the above impact the quality and consistency of this blog. I want this blog to be 100% the essence of me, a true community for women, a valuable resource and a fun escape. I want to be proud of it next week, next month and next year, not make a quick $20 from it.

Change starts now.